First Anniversary and More Culture Shock

Getting To Know Chris' Family and Friends

One of my main reasons for coming back to the U.S. over Christmas was to get to meet Chris' family.  Chris is the music director for his church, so we stayed in Northern Virginia that day for Christmas Eve services, had dinner and opened gifts at home afterwards.  Then early on Christmas morning, we drove down to Windsor, VA, which is a 2.5 - 3 hour drive.  In my 18 years of living in Virginia, I never got to know any part of the state other than Northern Virginia, so it was a treat for me to have Chris drive through Richmond and Norfolk, highlighting some of the best things about these two cities.

We then arrived to the small town of Windsor.  It's a flat lying area, with mostly detached, single ranch or two-story homes.  Many of them were nicely decorated for Christmas.  Chris pointed out those homes which he had decorated either this year or in years past and which they were still using the decorations that he had created and installed for their homes.

We finally stopped at Chris' mom's home.  I got to meet his mom a couple of days before when Chris directed the Christmas Cantata at his church and his mom, sister, niece and sister-in-law drove up to attend it.  That helped to break the ice and made Christmas day a little easier for me to get reacquainted with her and to meet the rest of Chris' family, including his two brothers, spouses, nephews and nieces.  There were about 22 of us for Christmas dinner, which started about 1:30 pm.  I felt that I was well received and welcomed.  I especially felt that Chris' mom and sister thought well of me, which I was happy about.

During this short time in Windsor and Norfolk, Chris drove to see a number of friends and introduced me to them.  It was so helpful for me to get to know the family and friends of the man that I have fallen deeply in love with and to hear the stories that have helped to influence and shape his character and life.  They are wonderful people who love Chris very much and I feel fortunate to have gotten to know them.

December 28 - Our Anniversary

I met Chris during the summer of 2013, but we did not have our first date until Dec 28 of that year. 

When I first met Chris, I immediately was attracted to him, but for various reasons we did not begin a relationship at that time.   And then there were a few months where we did not cross paths.  I had recently separated from my ex and was finding my way as a single man after 18 years as well as preparing for my upcoming retirement at the end of January and my planned move to Barcelona in the Spring.  On Dec 21, I went with friends to the Gay Men's Chorus Holiday Concert at Lisner Auditorium and before the concert I went downstairs to use the restroom.  As I was making my way back to go upstairs and find my seat, I saw Chris among a few other chorus members who were taking a break right before the start of the concert.  That spark of attraction grabbed me and my heart pounded as I approached him and we started talking.  With little time to chat, we quickly decided to go out and have dinner over the Holidays.  That happened on Dec 28 and the rest is history.  We celebrated our first anniversary yesterday.

A Longer List of Observed Cultural Differences

With a full week of being immersed in my native culture, I was reminded of a number of differences between life in the DC area and Barcelona:

Airport Instructions: I thought it was curious that when I got to Dulles airport when I arrived in the U.S. and as we were approaching passport control, there were two officials there yelling at the top of their lungs and instructing us about which line we should go in.  I just don't see officials in European airports yelling at passengers about anything, but I recall many occasions in U.S. airports where it seems to be that yelling (without the assistance of a speaker) is one of the preferred methods of communication.

Driving vs. Walking: Other than New York city, and a few city centers in the U.S., it is absolutely essential to have a car to get around.  Before I moved to Barcelona I used to have some major issues with my lower back that would flare up every few months or so.  In the 10 months in Barcelona, I have had no issues with my back, which I believe is due to the amount of walking I do there and how that has strengthened my back.

Eating and Food - Abundance or Excess:  I continue to be amazed at the amount of food that is served in U.S. restaurants as well as the abundance of other things such as napkins and drinks.  We seem to be almost obsessed with having lots of food, which I believe contributes to the national dilemma of obesity.

All Food Served at Once:  In Spain, whether in a restaurant or in a person's home, food is served in phases: first course, second course, dessert, coffee (separate than dessert) and then possibly after dinner drinks.  In the U.S., especially in most homes, we usually compress that to just one course with two sides and later dessert with coffee.  It makes for time spent around the table much shorter and for table conversations to be much quicker.

Cheese, cheese and more cheese: I find that we have many more dishes in the U.S. that include cheese than they have in Spain.  Good, quality cheese is an ingredient that is used in some Spanish or Catalan dishes but it is not as ubiquitous as it is in the U.S.

User Manuals: One of the Christmas presents that I got Chris was a watch that had a number of features, including dual time so that he will always know what time it is in Spain.  When he opened up the box, he asked me if I could set up the times for him.  I opened the instructions.  It had in no less than 21 different languages!!  This is not unusual in Europe.  In the U.S., you may see user manuals in English and Spanish and sometimes in French.

Giving Wine as a Gift: In both Spain and the U.S., bringing a bottle of wine as a gift to your host's home when you are invited over for dinner is common.  However, in Spain, the polite thing to do is to actually serve the wine with your meal.  In the U.S., it is not expected and in most cases is not done.

White vs. Brown Eggs:  Although you can find white eggs in Barcelona, it is much more common to have brown eggs.  It still seems strange to me to see white eggs in Chris' refrigerator.

Gold Toe Socks:  You can tell that someone is from the U.S. if you see that they have gold toe socks.  To the best of my knowledge, that does not exist in Spain or in Europe.  Of course, not all socks in the U.S, have gold toes, but you do see them often here.

Back to the U.S. - Culture Shock!

On Friday I flew back to Washington D.C. to be with Chris, meet his family and see friends here.  I'll write more about that in a minute. but I wanted to share a couple of activities that I did before I left.  On Monday, my classmates organized a dinner where everyone brought a dish or drinks.  I made a Chicken Pot Pie (for the first time).  It turned out great and my fellow students also enjoyed it.  And I also enjoyed the Italian, Russian and Brazilian dishes that were shared among all that evening.

On Thursday we had a special gathering for friends to see each other once more before Christmas, toast each other and enjoy each others' company over some good wine.

The U.S. - Land of Big!

After almost 10 months in Spain, I arrived back on U.S. soil on Friday on a very smooth and pleasant flight on Lufthansa Airlines, flying through Munich to Washington Dulles International Airport.  Chris was there to pick me up, having just gotten over a fever he had over a couple of days prior.  But he recovered just in time.  We didn't get home until about 9:30 pm to his new digs in Arlington, which was beautifully appointed and furnished, and soon went to sleep.  It was wonderful to be in Chris' arms again.

The next morning we took care of a few errands to get my phone working and reconnected in the U.S.  We also briefly visited the church of which Chris is the choir director and organist as well as visited a beautiful home in Clifton, VA in which Chris had done some major Christmas decorations and which he needed to freshen up their arrangements before the holidays.  I got a chance to see close up the amazing creativity and beauty that Chris creates with his floral arrangements and the satisfaction that his clients feel as a result of his work for them.

Yesterday evening we were fortunate to be here for a gathering at the Shambhala Meditation Center in DC for a going away party for a member and teacher, who will be working for the New York City Mayor's office.  It was great to see some of my Shambhala friends there.  We then met up with my former next door neighbor Nick and his partner Tony and got caught up on our lives.

In one sense, it felt like only a week ago that I left the U.S. to move to Barcelona, reaquainting myself with my old stomping grounds in the DC/Virginia area.  On the other hand, I noticed some cultural reactions within myself over these last couple of days.  I'll be in the U.S. until Jan 6, but I wanted to capture some of the sensations and observed differences that I have already experienced:

• Big Distances - the U.S. created an infrastructure that essentially requires one to have a car to function.  After living in Barcelona for many months and having most of the shops that I go to for my daily and weekly needs within blocks of my home, it's shocking to re-experience how far apart everything is and how dependent we are of having a vehicle.
  
  I also think this phenomena also influences the ease or difficulty of Americans coming together to share and enjoy each other's company.  The proximity factor and the abundance of public transportation options in Barcelona make spontaneous social gatherings much easier than what has been my experience in the U.S.
   
• Big Homes - other than Chris' new place, which is small but has everything one needs, homes here are so much bigger and where many are single family homes.  Chris' client's home that we visited yesterday was probably an exaggeration, but it does exemplify perceived need for more space than our Spanish counterparts in Spain.
   
• Open Doors/Closed Doors - I've hosted a number of parties at my home in Barcelona.  One of the interesting habits that people do there is to completely shut the bathroom door.  They never leave it open.  In the U.S. the bathroom door is almost always open and visible for everyone to see when it's unoccupied.
   
• Unlimited Refreshments - we went to a barbeque restaurant yesterday and there was a soda dispenser that customers use to fill and refill their sodas/iced tea.  I have not seen this at any establishment that I have visited in Barcelona, other than Ikea.
   
• Energy Consumption - utility costs are higher in Spain than in the U.S.  In the homes that I have visited in Barcelona, including my own, there is a conscious effort of using as little gas, water and electricity as is absolutely necessary in the home.  In the U.S., although over the decades we have become more energy efficient, we still consume much more energy without too much thought than in Spain.

I'm sure I will have more differences to talk about in the next couple of weeks that I will be here in the U.S. before I return back to Barcelona.

My First Condo Association Meeting and Chinese Tea Ceremony

When I first moved to my flat in June, the building had their condo association meeting in that same month.  But I did not attend it because I was too wrapped up in setting my place up and getting the renovations finished.  But I definitely was determined to attend the next meeting, which occurred this week.  We had a lot to cover.  The three month work on the facade was close to finishing, a new front door to the building needed to be chosen, and the architect/constructor had some other news to give us about our building.  There weren't many of us at the meeting, about 8 property owners, the administrator, his assistant, and the manager of the construction company that is doing the current work on the facade.  Normally, it seems that they conduct their meetings in Catalan, but because they knew that I only spoke Spanish, they attempted to have the discussion in Spanish.  However, habits are hard to break.  They would start in Spanish but in mid-stream, change to Catalan.  They would then realize that they had done so, apologize to me, and go back speaking Spanish.  I very much appreciated their effort in keeping the discussion in Spanish and was able to understand most of what was discussed.

My Building

This building is over 100 years old.  For many years it had just one owner and the units were rented out.  My understanding is the owner did not invest much in maintaining the building.  As the city got more involved in inspecting and demanding changes in the residential buildings throughout the city, this owner changed the units to condos, sold them and divested himself entirely.  Today there are a number of maintenance projects that need to be done.  The city also inspects all residential buildings every three years and may require the association to make additional changes.  The facade was the most important project because it was deteriorating to the point of some of the pieces of the facade were falling and threatened to injure pedestrians below.  The new facade has turned out very well, although I am not able to take any pictures until the scaffolding is removed.

There are other issues with water on the roof and the terraces on the ground level in the back of the building.  Also, the balconies and facade in the back, which I have never seen since I only have a front-facing unit, also need work.  Additionally, on the roof there is a small masonry shed where water used to be collected and used to supply water to the units.  This, of course, is not used any more.  But at some point this shed needs to be removed.

Right now, my community fee is 40 euros a month, which I find to be extremely inexpensive, especially when compared to condo fees in the U.S.  I expect this to rise as a result of the issues that have been raised at the meeting.  Luckily not all these issues have to be addressed all at once.  They talked about phasing the work and raising the fee a little in order to have enough of a reserve in the long-term.  Unfortunately, given that there is still an economic crisis for many people in Barcelona and in Spain, any increase in the community fee may be difficult for some of the property owners.

Chinese Tea Ceremony

On Saturday, many of my friends from the hiking group got together one last time before the Christmas Holidays at a tea shop, called Té Amo (it's a play on words - te amo means I love you, but té amo -with the accent mark on the e- means I love tea).. We had a demonstration of a typical Chinese tea ceremony.  We then all chose the tea we wanted to try and spent a couple of hours together there before going to a restaurant in the same neighborhood to have dinner together.  Below are some pictures from our time together, taken by different friends in the group.

Dental Work - Perceived Differences and Barcelona Christmas Lights

This week I made an appointment to see a dentist.  In the U.S., we usually see a dentist every 6

He looks like I felt.....

months for a cleaning and a review.  I had my last check-up in May here in Barcelona.  However, it was unusual in the sense that this particular company offered the first x-rays, cleaning and dental review for free.  I believe they count on the general fact that most individuals here have enormous dental issues and that they will find problems that will have to be addressed through further dental work and thus they will recoup the money spent on the free first visit.  That was not the case with me.  I had no dental issues and it was a free ride with no obligations.

This time was different.  I went to a dental clinic that was on the American Consulate's list of medical doctors and establishments.  They do not endorse these doctors, but it seemed to be a good place to start.  I knew I would be paying for these services and that I had international dental insurance for federal employees and retirees.  What I didn't know was how all this was going to work and how much of a burden this could possibly be in terms of filings and paperwork.

The first difference that I found is the expectation of what they would do on the first visit.  In the U.S., a visit always includes a dental hygiene cleaning, unless it is a follow-up visit.  Here, they only look at your teeth, take x-rays, review with you their recommendations for treatment, and give you an estimate of the cost.  When I realized that they were not going to clean my teeth, I had to explain to them that in order to submit these services to my insurance company, they will expect that the cost will include a cleaning.  So, I told them that I needed to have my teeth cleaned as well.

Once they understood that, they added that to the work that they did last Wednesday.

The next difference that I discovered is that having a 6 month check-up and cleaning is not standard here.  After cleaning my teeth, the hygienist told me that I had very little tartar and that I wouldn't need another cleaning for 8 months to a year.  I'm still not sure what to make of that assessment.

The other reason I went to see them was because I was having pain under my upper right crown to the point that I was only chewing on my left side.  They confirmed that this was an issue and they gave me an estimate of the work that they would need to do to correct it.

Billing Process - Another Pain

I have both private health insurance and a separate dental plan with a different company, both offered through the federal government.  For the dental cleaning and x-rays, I first have to submit it to my health insurance, since they also cover some dental costs.  Once I get their Explanation of Benefits (EOB), I then submit that with a claim form to my dental insurance company.  I have a feeling this will be a two month process (groan).

For the proposed work on my crown, which includes removing the crown, cleaning under it, and then putting on a new one, my dental insurance company recommends, but is not required, to have them review the proposal and to get pre-approval.  This includes sending them the proposal with an English translation of it and include the x-rays.  I was able to email this information to them, but they recommended that I also send it to them by mail, since an electronic copy of the x-ray may not be sufficiently clear enough for them.

I'll see how all this works out.  It may actually be better for me to get a dental plan here in Spain and drop the plan I have in the U.S.  I'll investigate that early in the new year.

Lunch with Fellow Students and Cat Arrangements

I am enjoying the friendships that are being formed in my Spanish class among my international fellow students.  Last week we went out to have lunch together.  In the course of some conversations, I found out that one of my classmates, a Brazilian woman living in my neighborhood, loves cats and enjoys taking care of them when their owner is away.  I talked with her about the possibility of taking care of my cat when I am away on vacation or on travel.  She was delighted in the possibility.  I feel relieved and now have a few options in the future.  For my trip to the U.S. around the holidays this time, I am taking Sunset to a friend's house, who lives close to me.  It's not an ideal arrangement to move a cat to another home, but we'll see how Sunset handles this.  In the future, she will hopefully be able to stay here and someone will either stay at the house or come and visit daily.

Enjoying the Holiday Lights!

Although I am really looking forward to my visit to the U.S,, I also regret not being here to experience Christmas and the Holidays in Barcelona.  Yesterday some friends and I walked around the city center to take in the festive atmosphere and to enjoy the lights and crowds.  Below are some pictures from that walk around town.